Ctrl Z
by Emma CS Me
Summary: Finn's not the type to push his girlfriend for sex, but he wants to have sex with her. That's normal, right?


**Ctrl Z**

Finn's not one of those douchebags who would push his girlfriend for sex. He's not. Sure, he _wants_ to have sex with her, he's a dude but he's pretty sure Rach isn't ready, so trying to push her would be really fucking mean and just wreck everything. So he won't do it.

(He _knows_ doing it before you're ready fucks with your head.)

So yeah, he's not going to push her or anything. But he's kind of getting blue balls here. It's not her fault; she's just so fucking hot he can't help it. That's a compliment, right? Right.

(Rachel doesn't look like anyone else. She was always meant to be too short, too flat-chested, too strong-jawed. Finn likes her for not looking like others, and really what does 'too strong-jawed' even mean?)

He wants her, but he deals with it. He's seventeen; him and his fist go _way_ back. He's pretty sure she wants him back, which is awesome and like, heroin for his ego, but whatever. He gets that just, y'know, liking the idea of having sex with someone doesn't mean you'll just jump into bed with them. Unless you're Puck. Finn's pretty sure it would be a bad if either he or his girlfriend tried any kind of attitude like that.

(Her nails digging into his back just hurt, and it was more her way of saying 'hurry up and fuck me, asshole' than in ecstasy or whatever. It wasn't anything like he imagined.)

She said she didn't sleep with Jesse, so he gets she's scared of her first time or whatever. He kind of always knew she was lying anyway. Not that if she had he'd be all 'so shut up and fuck me, bitch' or even all 'you are dirty and defiled and I can no longer look at you!' about it. So what if she fucked Jesse? She was into him. Finn didn't have any claim on her. And anyway, sleeping with one dude can be entirely unlike sleeping with another dude, so it'd still make sense to be a bit hesitant about doing it with the other dude. It doesn't change things, right?

(She's never really talked about it, but he's pretty sure she was in love with Jesse. He's pretty sure she wouldn't have considered sleeping with him otherwise.)

Anyway, it's probably a good thing she didn't, just because St. Jackass turned out to be, y'know, evil and that would just fuck with her brain. Who wants to lose it to someone who doesn't give a shit about you?

("Don't get all clingy on me," Santana said, biting into her burger. "Just because we're here after fucking doesn't mean we're dating or anything. I'm just hungry.")

Yeah, she told him she lied and he's really got to return the favor sometime soon. If anything, karma probably won't let him get laid until he does (fuck, that sounds bad). But, you know, it's hard. He doesn't want to hurt her. He knows how she gets about the popular girls who used to pick on her. Who still do, really.

("Okay, seriously? We do all that and you're still thinking about that bitch?" Santana smirked at him. "You really are a pussy."

Finn frowned. "Shut up, Santana." He didn't like remembering what a bitch Santana was about Rachel. "You know how I feel about her.")

He doesn't want to hurt her _again_. Which, yeah, if you don't want to hurt her don't do it in the first place, but that's kind of useless now. He's trying to be a good boyfriend, so he guesses he can claim he wasn't her boyfriend then so levels of what he should and should not do to hurt her were different then, but it seems like a shitty excuse.

("I don't want to be the guy who just drives around throwing eggs at people."

"That was you?")

Okay, yeah, it freaked him right the fuck out when Santana showed up out of nowhere being all 'you tell her or I will'. He never thought she gave a damn either way. But yeah, he knows if _Santana_ is the one to tell Rachel about it all there will be hell to pay.

("If you were honest and told people we did it last year you would go from uncool to chilly-willy in a heartbeat." She had no idea what she was really telling him.)

So, basically, Santana tells Rachel and Rachel freaks. He tells Rachel and Rachel freaks slightly less. It seems unfair somehow.

("This is so much better, because now neither of us have done it, and we can save it. For each other." It meant so much to her and why was he so goddamn fucking _stupid_?)

Maybe, it'd be okay. Maybe, she'd be cool with it – okay, not with the lying because that was douchey anyway, but she'd probably get over it and take it as signifying how he regretted it or whatever. And then things would be back to normal, and he could stop freaking panicking all the time. Because seriously, this is not good for him and there's already one heart condition is his family.

("Oh god," Rachel muttered as Puck walked up to Santana, leaning into her and muttering in her ear. Finn looked at her curiously. "Okay, I know it's really not my place to judge, but – seriously, why is that boy physically incapable of keeping it in his pants?" she explained.)

Really, all Finn wants is to keep his girlfriend. That sounds normal.

("It was no big deal," she said. Good for her. If it was no big deal, he wanted to spill, but it just felt like something massive on his chest and he lied before he realized why. Well, that was dumb.)

And okay, _yeah_, he wants to have sex with her. That's normal too, right?

("So, you think it would have been that good with Berry?" Santana asks. He winces.)


End file.
